Emotions…. The NO Vacancy sign comes out

Does this sound familiar?

You start feeling sad, and you try to ignore it or distract yourself. Maybe you try to push that sadness down so far in your mind and or body that your hope is you will never feel it and it will not resurface. Or just maybe you feel sad everyday so that is a regular daily occurrence for you, so you just go about your day dealing with it (or more likely, not dealing with it).

When we do not acknowledge our emotions, they grow and fester like an old wound that is not taken care of. We think we are ignoring them, but they take over and they start to consume our energy, we are just not aware. We start to have less energy for our other relationships because our unresolved emotions are consuming us. It becomes more challenging to tend to our own needs and we start the cycle of being unhappy with ourselves.

To have an aligned and balanced life, we must observe, listen, and learn to process our emotions.

The following steps will help you process uncomfortable emotions that you keep you stuck in limiting belief systems, self-sabotage, fear, and resistance to change.

Observe Your Emotions

Stop and take note, how are you feeling right now in your body. Take a minute to observe any sensations in your body, thoughts, and behavior.

DO I Notice any sensations in my body. How does my body feel. Do I Feel any pain or discomfort and if so where do I feel it. What sensations are around that pain or discomfort.

“I feel anxious, and I am feeling pressure in my chest, almost like a heavy boulder was placed on my chest" “The pain is shooting thru my back and feels hot”

What thoughts are you having around your emotions. Are you feeling any type of resistance or avoidance? Does this emotion have you feeling bad?

“I do not want to feel this way, it hurts”

What do you observe about your behavior? How do the emotions effect your behavior?

“I have a hard time getting out of bed” “Once I am up, I just cannot focus or complete any tasks”

Allow yourself to Feel your emotions

Give your emotions a seat at the table. Allow them without judgment or resistance. When you just sit with your feelings without judgment, it will create space that you will be less likely to react to your emotions and feelings even more. Do not suppress or push those feelings down or away. Do not turn them into guilt, shame, blame etc.

Invite them in let them sit down. Let them get comfortable, it will be uncomfortable letting them get comfortable. This will take time, be patient. Lean into the discomfort it will eventually get easier. Do not ignore or ask them to leave. Just sit with them.

Practice this Mantra: I observe these emotions are within me, I allow them without judgement

Do not Judge your emotions.

With judgment comes Shame and Blame. This is not a healing response. Blame is tied to punishing ourselves, our unworthiness come a loud and clear. We are not good enough. When my Unworthiness comes out, I call her Ursula. We become overwhelmed because we cannot control how we feel, and all those negative unworthiness feelings come up for us. When we feel shame, it ignites that desire to hide or change any part of ourselves that is tied to that Shame.

Practice this Mantra: “It is Ok that I feel this way, it may last awhile but it is not my fault. I may not feel better for awhile and that is OK. I will take time to process these feelings.

Resisting emotions can make them become stronger.

What we resist will persist. DO not resist, allow. Walk into them face first, do not turn your head dive right in. Dive right in to get to the other side.

DO not judge your emotions or resist your feelings

Leaning into the discomfort and learning to process:

Some helpful coping strategies. Allow the discomfort

Listen to music

Meditation

Take a walk

Going to the gym

Breathing (breathwork)

Allow the emotions, do not stuff them away. We need to process them in a healthy way

Placing our emotions on hold or stuffing them away will not work, they will take residence in your mind and body. If they are stored in your body, you can be sure they will show up at a later date to rear their ugly head.

We have heard about so many strategies before like counting to ten, walk away etc. …

When we avoid our emotions, they do not go away. When we hide these emotions, believe me they will rear their ugly heads again. We may not hear from them for a while, but you can believe they will insert them themselves in your body and they will show up again when you least expect them.

Emotions running on autopilot, without the regulation of the brain often does not work out well. Our brain will link thoughts and emotions together. For example, I am upset with myself and feel angry because I misplaced an important document that I needed. It was misplaced because I have been so busy lately. My brain tells me I am an idiot and a failure. I am thinking why I cannot keep track of things. To manage this in a healthy manner place no judgment on what happened. No shaming myself. Just put some healthy things in place to help me not do this again. Straighten out my office space, get a bin for all incoming mail so it is always in the same spot. No shaming myself and no blaming others.

Important Components:

Observe the emotion

Dropping judgment

Stop resistance

Process the feelings

No more avoiding, hiding, or stuffing our emotions. No more making the events into something more than it needs to be.

Be compassionate and show yourself grace. Allow yourself time to process your feelings. Allow yourself time to heal. No more stuffing the feelings. Honor your sadness and disappointment.

When we give ourselves the space and permission to feel our feelings without judgment or criticism, that is when true transformation happens. ~ Brene Brown